If a man who comes back from death is meant to carry a special mission, then I believe that my assigned mission is to share the secrets of death and my miracle recovery. What hidden behind death is not fear, it’s the wisdom of living. We have to learn how to face death before we know how to face life. I have made my miracle, but miracle is not belonged to me, it’s equally shared by everyone on this planet. I am merely a selected story teller.
On this note, I’m here to share with you my miracle life journey…
In 11 minutes, I travelled beyond death and returned. A fatal air crash brought me a near death experience, when my soul came out of my physical body, and returned to the womb of nature. I was fully embraced by the greatest love of the nature. It was a familiar feeling, as if that’s where the circle of life started and ended.
On 3 November 2004, I arrived in Durary, a rural town near Auckland in northern New Zealand. I came here to take an advanced cross-country glider training program. Unlike airplane, glider does not have any engine. One of the most common methods of launching gliders is by winch. Once launched, gliders would gain height using thermals and ridge lift and could remain in the air for hours. Gliders soar like birds, using the upward air currents to stay up. This mechanics deeply fascinated me.
I was born and grew up in the metropolis Hong Kong, a bustling concrete city. I loved nature as it brought me a sense of freedom. To fly high in the limitless sky was one of my biggest dreams. A year earlier, I attained a glider flying license, and this year I came to New Zealand for the advanced training. I thought, I had come to the culmination of my life.
9 November 2004, the sixth day of the training program, was a sunny and beautiful morning. I jumped onto the glider PW5 excitedly. It was my first solo trial flight on a new glider model. I completed the safety check systematically as usual, and then sought permission from the flight traffic controller for the take-off.
Permission given. The engine started to roar. The glider moved forward on the runway as the ropes pulled. As I moved the handle, the glider began to rise. Sitting in the compartment, in front of me was clear blue sky with light scattered clouds. What a beautifully clear day with excellent visibility.
The PW5 had much better performance than my previous training models, I first thought. But I immediately realized that the PW5 was rather difficult to control especially in the forceful winds. When the glider quickly soared to 110 ft height, I noticed that it was lifting way too fast. At the same time the glider began to shake and tilt to the left severely. It just kept climbing, reaching a dangerous fast speed. I was unable to slow it down.
I was alarmed by the danger. I tried to keep my wits, stayed calm and focused. I recalled what I learnt in the flying simulation. I tried to break the glider from the ropes, hoping to stabilize the glider and prepare for emergency landing. However it didn’t work. The glider was lifting too fast and out of control. The wings could no longer support the weight of the body. When it reached the point when gravity was greater than lift, the glider fell down like a broken kite.
In about ten seconds’ time, it fell down from over 100 meter height, crashing into the ground.
As the glider hit the ground, the whole compartment was smashed into pieces. Though the seat belt prevented me from falling out of the compartment, it went up and underneath my ribs. Some hard objects from the backside knocked onto my head…
Before I was able to feel any pain, all my five senses including sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch shut down in the same second. I was swallowed by a world of utmost, absolute, infinite darkness.
Just like a power off.
All of a sudden the light switched on again. I felt being re-connected. My vision was somewhat fuzzy from that sudden change of brightness in the first second. Then a glimpse of light came into my eyes, bright yet warm and gentle, just like the first ray of the sunrise.
“The darkness is over. Welcome to the brightness.” the golden light said to me.
I found myself bathing in a sea of golden light, so peaceful and calm. I was fully embraced by a comforting love and gentleness. I also found my body dazzling, reflecting rays of golden light. The senses of warmth and love saturated me. I felt complete and infinite. I was composed of lights in that realm. I was a part of the light. I still had a body shape, but there was no boundary. It’s just like we can see the sunlight, but cannot tell its boundary. Or if you pour some alcohol into a glass of water, it doesn’t dissolve but it would mix perfectly into the water.
It was incredible!
The second thing I noticed was that, I was not breathing and my heart had stopped beating. Or I should say I no longer needed any breathe or heartbeat. I found myself floating in the vacuum. As I was wondering if either my own weight or the gravity was lost, I looked down and saw the trashed body of the glider.
Fragments of glasses and metals were scattered all over the ground. The glider wings and tail were completely ruined. I looked closer, and saw a young man lying there dying inside the compartment. His shirt was covered in blood. His wounds were bleeding badly. His forearm was broken. A white bone probed out from the wrist. Even worse, the right ankle joint was horribly smashed and distorted. That man looked just like me! That’s my body!
I knew I was dead.
I could see that the dramatic crash from over 100 meter height caused multiple fractures on my body. It was all covered with blood. Because of the brain concussion, I passed out. My heart trembled weakly. The brutal pressure from the tightened seatbelt on the ribs stopped air from going into the lungs.
While my body down there showed no sign of reaction, had no conscious or feeling, interestingly I felt completely well and comfortable up here. I didn’t have any wound or feel any pain. All that I felt was joy and peacefulness. In that spilt second, my soul had come out from my body, floating up on top of the glider in the air, watching myself dying. That was an incredible feeling! At the point of death, the body and soul separated. “I” was in dual existence.
When my soul came out of my body, I felt like a new being, leaving behind all my old senses, thoughts and emotions. I could still see, hear, and feel the surrounding world, and was self-aware of my thoughts. However, the cognitive processes were remarkably different. While body exists in a physical form, in that capacity I no longer had any body boundaries or physical limitations.
I was captivated by how the cognitive experiences of our body differed from that of the soul. Whilst our body is connected to the surrounding world through the five senses, our body relies on sensory cell to detect the outside stimuli, and make the mapping to a particular group of regions within the brain where the signals were received and interpreted, such as images and smell. In contrast, the soul does not require sensory cell to connect to the universe at all. Instead, it works in a way similar to telepathy. In that different state, my vision and hearing actually followed my changing mind. In order words, I saw and heard what I thought about. I was in active rather than passive cognitive processes. My perceptions were no longer restricted by any physical object or distance, because in that state I comprehended things through its basic forms similar to energy. That was a brand new cognitive experience to me.
Apart from the cognitive, my emotional responses were also significantly different. I had no fear, worry, grief or any bad feeling, but only absolute peacefulness and harmony. My emotional responses were disconnected to the outside circumstances and environments. If I was severely injured, normally I should feel painful or sad. But there I only felt extremely calm and peaceful. That situation reminded me of the Schizophrenic disorder, which is characterized by the breakdown and disconnection of thinking, behavior and emotions.
At the same time, I no longer relied on sound, technically the vibration of air molecules, to communicate there. Instead, communication worked through an ultra-sensory channel. It’s a pure and direct communication through thoughts, functioning through a telepathic mechanism. If we compare this communication process with that of our physical body, the latter requires constant coding and decoding and which is prone to misinterpretation and misunderstanding. The ultra-sense communication is far more instant, direct and effective.
“But where am I?” I couldn’t help wondering. In that sea of golden light, all that I felt were gentle and incredible warmth and peacefulness. I had never experienced something so pure and divine in the physical world. There was neither enchanting heaven nor terrifying hell as in our legends or tales, but only peacefulness and calmness.
Wait! That felt familiar. Did I experience this before?
Suddenly, a memory flashed through my mind. I recalled the moment when I was a fetus, nurtured and protected by the amniotic fluid in my mother’s womb. I remembered feeling her warmth. I listened to her gentle heartbeats. The umbilical cord supplied me nutrients, and endless love.
At that time I felt as if I was bathing in the womb of the universe. I was fully embraced by the sea of golden light. I was completely immersed at the universe. Through the light, I was fully embraced by the overwhelming, non-judgmental and unconditional love of the universe. Greater than anything. More beautiful than anything.
I understood how much the feeling of dying resembled that of being born. Perhaps life was a circle, departing and ending at the same point.
“Would you like to go or to stay?”
A question awakened me from my deep thought. Someone was speaking to me from the source of light. Our communication did not work through the voice but the mind.
I tried to look at the source of light, but could hardly see anything or any person other than the pure glimpse of light. I had no idea who was speaking to me, but I knew that was the source of the greatest love. “He” didn’t resemble any being in my familiar physical world, but belonged to a higher, divine entity. Perhaps it’s what we called God?
“To go or to stay?” I muttered. Does it mean I could choose between life and death?
“This is the last question of your life.” He seemed to be able to comprehend my thought.
I never thought that I would have an option. Should I stay? Should I go?
“Before making your decision, you may wish to see the life review.”
As I was absorbed in a deep thought of this question, a tiny spot of light appeared suddenly. In the center of the spot, I saw myself, when I was a baby. Then the light spread in all directions, like a spider spreading silks to build a multi-dimensional spider web. I looked closer to the web, and was surprised to find that every silk thread was connecting to time as well as the “cause and effect” of different people and incidents. The threads were inextricably linked to one another. They connected my different life stages, interweaving and mapping my own web of life.
My web was only one of the many others. Each of the individual web was connected by silk threads with each other, forming a complex matrix of relationships. By that moment in front of me, was a giant nest of webs.
I stepped forward and leaned my head down into the nest. It felt like soaking into water. The only difference was that I didn’t need to breath. I opened my eyes, and found myself in a cinema, with thousands of screens around me. Playing on every screen were episodes of the different moments in my 30 years of life, from early childhood till the present. Some of which I remembered, some of which I had long forgotten. I was intrigued by this fascinating experience, which I had never gone through or imagined. Wow for the first time, I had a simultaneous, panoramic picture of my entire life.
The life review deeply enlightened and awakened me. I realized that my whole life was interwoven by one core value – Freedom. I had traveled to over 30 countries at the age of 30. I was eager to learn driving, including car, motorbike and vessel. I was a scuba diving instructor. I liked skiing and climbing. I strived to breakthrough the physical boundaries or body limitations and to pursue a greater freedom. When those activities could no longer satisfy my increasing desire for freedom, finally last year I realized my biggest dream of flying. I got my glider license. I flew high in the sky like a bird, through white clouds across the blue clear sky. I became totally free. I had accomplished all my dreams before turning 30. It explained why I didn’t make any wish on my 30th birthday last month. I was contented about my life.
I stood still there, struggling with the last question of my life.
“Let’s go” was the first idea that first flashed through my mind. All my dreams were accomplished. I had no regret. If I would die at the best time of my life, all that I left behind were bright and beautiful memories, wasn’t it perfect? After all, the meaning of life wasn’t on the duration, but the quality. I had always believed in that…
Just when I was ready to leave, all of a sudden I felt empty and pain. A small crack appeared in the middle of my heart and blood slowly flowed out. The feeling of emptiness grew in me, and in seconds, half of my heart was already drained. An overwhelming sense of emptiness and remorse saturated me.
I realized that I no longer had any dream. There was nothing in my life that held me back. I didn’t need anybody, and nobody needed on me. I realized how lonely and empty my life was. I was never alive. I never embraced the true freedom. In the past 30 years, I was only chasing after time. I created one and another dreams to escape from my inner emptiness. All that I ran after was recognition, to prove that I could do anything, to prove my existence. In my entire life I was living under other people’s values and expectations.
I came to understand that realizing a dream was less than having a dream.
It’s the first time in my life that I was standing between two extreme feelings, content and lost, joyful and sad. Half of my heart was bright red, filled with dreams and freedom; the other half was empty and dark, lonely and confused. Just like every coin has two sides, perhaps that’s life?
“Is it the final judgment? Are we evaluating the good and bad, moral and evil of life?” I asked. I didn’t know where was that place, nor did I know which decision I should make. Should I leave when my dreams were accomplished, or should I stay as I hadn’t been alive? I honestly didn’t know how to answer this very final question…
“There is no such thing as final judgment, or evaluation for right or wrong, good and evil. All these things are purely human imagination, existing in the world of polarized ideologies. We are now in a united world, everything exists in its pure and basic form.”
“If you choose to go, you may exhale your last breathe, and walk towards the source of light. If you choose to stay, then close your lips and keep the breath. Just walk back against the light.”
I looked down to my lifeless body trapped in the trashed glider. I still kept my last breathe. But I didn’t know if I should keep it. Some time passed and I was standing still, unable to make up my mind.
“It seems that you are not ready to answer your final question. Your wisdom and vision are not fully unlocked yet. Your heart is still enchained. This is your own question, so only you can answer. In that case, come back when you are ready to make the decision.”
“Will I come back to choose again?” I asked.
“When the time is right, you’ll find the way back.” That’s what he said.
I was deeply drawn by the extreme feelings of contentment and emptiness. I couldn’t make my decision.
All of a sudden, the screens dissolved and the golden light quickly diminished. I started to melt down.
The “I” on the ground got back into consciousness again. My soul was pressed back to the body. I sucked back the last breathe into my lungs. I couldn’t move my body, but could feel my heart pumping gently. At the same time, enormous pain flooded every parts of my body. It’s killing me. But pain also assured me one thing, that I was alive.
Apart from pain, my senses were recovered one after another. I heard ambulance siren sounds, cries and yells of the rescue team. Then I smelled stinky blood, mixing with burned plastic and the scent of fresh cut grass. At last, I opened my eyes, and saw myself trapped in a ruined compartment. White bones probed out of my right wrist. My ankle joints were completely fractured.
“He’s alive! Come on! Hurry!” The rescue team found me in excitement.
Those were the first words I heard since I returned. The rescue team took 30 minutes to get me out of the trashed glider and sent me to the hospital.
On the ambulance, I heard, “the accident occurred during the glider launch. He fell down from over 100 meter height onto the grassland next to the runway. We ran here from the control tower in the first instance. He had been unconscious for 11 minutes!”
In 11 minutes, I caught a return journey, traveling through life and death.